Sometimes it's a funny word party in my head and now you're invited. You're welcome.
Showing posts with label Stuff I Put in My Mouth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stuff I Put in My Mouth. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Dilemmas, Dilemmas
If eating gummy bears for breakfast is wrong, then I don't want to be right. Then again, I also don't want diabetes... #haribo
Friday, December 2, 2011
Buyer Beware: Berry Burst Ice Cream Oreos
Oreos are awesome. We know this. I like to have healthy debates with people over which is greater: Cool Mint or "Double Stuf". Nope, that's not a typo, they only use one "f" in "Stuf", and it's just another reason why I believe the mint versions are superior. However, that's neither here nor there. This post is with regard to the offender pictured below.
Simply put: these things are fucking gross. I was excited to maybe have a neopolitan/strawberry ice cream sort of experience but was quickly thrown out of the plane on my way to fantasy island. I guess the flavor crystal looking sparkles should have tipped me off that I was about to consume something that tasted like bubble gum toothpaste hastily sandwiched between two Oreos. Not even the good kind of bubble gum toothpaste that kids have though, more like the kind that over-acheiving pet owners use on their dogs. Yes, I imagine that Berry Burst Ice Cream Oreos taste exactly like dog toothpaste. Am I going to throw them out? No. There are starving kids all over the world that have never had the joy of eating their very own dog toothpaste, so throwing them away would be disrespectful and I don't need to deal with that kind of guilt during this holiday season. I'll take one for the team so the rest of you don't have to. I don't want to compare myself to Jesus in that way, but you're welcome.
Simply put: these things are fucking gross. I was excited to maybe have a neopolitan/strawberry ice cream sort of experience but was quickly thrown out of the plane on my way to fantasy island. I guess the flavor crystal looking sparkles should have tipped me off that I was about to consume something that tasted like bubble gum toothpaste hastily sandwiched between two Oreos. Not even the good kind of bubble gum toothpaste that kids have though, more like the kind that over-acheiving pet owners use on their dogs. Yes, I imagine that Berry Burst Ice Cream Oreos taste exactly like dog toothpaste. Am I going to throw them out? No. There are starving kids all over the world that have never had the joy of eating their very own dog toothpaste, so throwing them away would be disrespectful and I don't need to deal with that kind of guilt during this holiday season. I'll take one for the team so the rest of you don't have to. I don't want to compare myself to Jesus in that way, but you're welcome.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Happy National Pie Day
So how does this work exactly? Should I be expecting someone to show up at my place of business and/or residence to hand deliver me a pie? I don't remember being asked which kind I wanted...then again I only go through my mail every 3 months or so...maybe I missed the registration deadline? Well if you're listening, you sneak-attacking-son-of-a-bitch-fake-holiday, I wanted apple. I'll be waiting.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
So other than the gym...
Where can I find some Schweddy Balls? I'm starting to think it doesn't exist. #TheresNoBeatingMyBalls
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