Happy National Pie Day

So how does this work exactly? Should I be expecting someone to show up at my place of business and/or residence to hand deliver me a pie? I don't remember being asked which kind I wanted...then again I only go through my mail every 3 months or so...maybe I missed the registration deadline? Well if you're listening, you sneak-attacking-son-of-a-bitch-fake-holiday, I wanted apple. I'll be waiting.



Analyze this

I had a dream last night where someone gave me a Vespa-esque scooter vehicle free of charge and I REALLY enjoyed riding it around town. Does that make me gay or thrifty??? Either way, I did NOT see that coming. Now, let me find a picture that confirms my heterosexuality... #NotGay #ScootersCouldBeFun

Should have seen this coming

If you're a lioness and you name one of your kids Mufasa and one of them Scar, what the FUCK did you think was going to happen? Exactly! One of them will become the king of the jungle and the other will turn into the bad guy from Die Hard.

Thanks @Jenna_Marbles for pointing this out!

Has nobody asked this before?

What the hell do Girl Scouts do when they're not selling cookies? Be honest, have you ever seen a Girl Scout group on a field trip or at an ice cream social? You might say "Well, I'm not a pedophile so no." You make a valid point. However! It seems that these girls are basically being conditioned to peddle addictive substances by the side of the road...which I guess will serve them well in the future somehow...??? God forbid if these confectionery prostitutes start accepting credit cards because the day will eventually come when I have to call Visa and explain why all of my credit is maxed out on Samoas and Thin Mints. Yes, they're called Samoas, not "Caramel Delights". A cookie that good can't possibly be racist.