My girlfriend and I have been searching for a new apartment for the past few months, primarily on Craigslist. Here are some random thoughts and points from this experience.
- Me: "I love the pictures of the outside of the unit, can't wait to see the ones of the insi.....oh there aren't any?! Silly me! Who do I make the check out to??"
- Not sure where you went to math school but a room barely big enough for a twin-sized bed + a pantry does not = a 2 bedroom apartment. It's science...or math... You tell me, you went to math school.
- "Laundromat close by" means you have wasted yet another 5 seconds of my life.
- "No pets. No smoking. No use of the backyard. No grilling. No talking above a whisper after 7:45 pm (strictly enforced). No unapproved flatulence. No friends. No family. No fun of any kind."
- "Charming" is code for "comically tiny" or "the last person that lived here was crazy and bedazzled the walls" or both.
- "We'll need your social security #, pay stubs, bank account #'s, reasons why your exes left you, your shoe size when you were 8 and a half, and 12 months of rent upfront + full broker's fee. We're also thinking of a number between 1 and 10. Serious inquiries only."
- Me: "I work M-F 9-5 and can come by to view the place anytime after 6pm". Them: "Fantastic, does Tuesday at 1:47pm work for you?"
- The listing for your terrible apartment doesn't get any better simply because you post it 700 times a day. Somebody lied to you. Stop it.
- Realtors that post "selfies" and substitute the letter "o" with zeros when they spell their name are best avoided.
- If I have to Google the town of the apartment listing you should probably stop posting it in the "Boston-area" section. I'm looking in your direction Maynard, MA. And because I had to Google it, I now know that the direction of Maynard is west of Boston...so yeah...
- When the listing has an "image" but the "image" is merely your "contact info" it makes me want to "strangle" a "kitten" and I actually "like" cats. Basically: "Fuck you".
