FL: 17' Python with 87 Eggs Found

Annnnd I just threw up a little. People of Florida (or anywhere really): Pythons do not make great pets. They get big. You're dumb so you release them into the wild where they have no natural enemies and therefore wreak havoc on the native wildlife. I'm not an ecological warrior or anything, this upsets me mostly because I hate snakes. This snake had 87 eggs. Seriously, fuck snakes.

For those that were wondering

My raisin to bran ratio yesterday morning was fucking outstanding.

Leave me alone

I'm sorry Groupon, but I'm not really in the market for a Brazilian wax "right now".

Know Your Audience

I really wish my email would stop trying to get me to set up a profile on BlackPeopleMeet.com. I don't even know the secret handshake...

Social Boston Sports?

Apparently it's not Tuesday night co-ed dodgeball until the police are involved. Zoinks.

Don't drink and "Ice"

This past Friday night I met up with some friends for some drinks. At about 12:30am when everyone was socially lubricated, everyone's favorite one-hit wonder "Ice, Ice, Baby" came on. Not only do I know all the words to this song, but I sing it...emphatically...and with dance moves. The best part of the story though, and I kid you not, is that I literally texted "word" to my mother. My drunken friends were only mildly amused at what to me at the time seemed like the best idea EVAH. My mom was equally as confused Saturday morning. If you ever try to "word to ya motha"...take it from me, parents just don't understand ;)

I'm no fool

So what if my female cat is like 100 years old and is already fixed...a deal is a deal...and I'll take two.

"FUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!@$#$#@!@$"

- Every Patriots fan for the next 8 months

Get a room

On my way home, and if the PDA in front of me gets any more intense I may have to throw a condom on or smoke a cigarette or something...

Best Attack Ad Ever

I was reading CNN.com and accidentally combined the two headlines "Man Arrested in Calif. Homeless Killings" and "Mitt Romney's Mexican Relatives" to create "Mitt Romney Arrested in Calif. Homeless Killings". I thought it was a bold strategy given that he's the front runner.

Thank God!